Entourage is Worse Than Heroes

Yeah, I said it! Heroes was a boring show with terrible acting (save for the father figure who tried to carry the whole thing on his back) that seemed intimidated by the greatness of its premise, spent too much time on lame characters, ruined its best ones, and managed to stick around because people wanted to believe it would get better.

It didn't.

Entourage is a boring show with terrible acting (save for the superagent who tries to carry the whole thing on his back) that seems intimidated by the greatness of its premise, spends too much time on lame characters, has ruined its best ones, and manages to stick around because people want to believe it will get better.

It won't. And Turtle's girlfriend was there for the downfall of both of them.

Now, that might seem like a tie, but Entourage has done something Heroes never did; it has insulted me on a social level. Heroes was just a poorly executed show, Entourage is a poorly executed show AND it's as embarrassing to be associated with as a direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel being shown on Spike TV with all the ad space bought up by AXE Body Spray.

Here are some of the things I can't help but feel like I'm signing off on by continuing to watch:

• The most desirable women in the world are highly experienced porn stars.
• Tequila is awesome and it makes for an interesting show to spend 40% of the running time talking about it.
• Family Guy is so amazing that you can completely elevate a TERRIBLE sounding animated show about monkeys just by invoking its name.
• Skydiving is THE most bad ass thing you can ever do and you should totally spend an entire season talking about nothing but the one time you did it.
• Owning an NFL team is the only acceptable dream for any person and you should totally ruin your life for the chance to spend ungodly amounts of money buying one.
• You should get in an SUV with a bunch of armed me in Mexico if a girl you sexually harassed tells you to trust her.
• An effective and interesting way to present a happy engagement is by having one or two scenes and episode where the worst character talks to his fiance is a whiny voice and she basically just finds new ways to say "I support you" while making the same half-smiling face every single time.

I don't agree with any of those, and I've BEEN skydiving! The only problem is I'm going to keep watching, I know I am. You had to commit at least 45 minutes to watching Heroes, so when you were disappointed you were also annoyed that you wasted that time. An episode of Entourage has what? 15 minutes of actual content...maybe less? The opening title sequence is 2 minutes long. Seriously! I have to hit 30 second skip 4 times to get past it on Tivo. Lost's opening titles were about 3 seconds, if that. Before that you have the "previously on Entourage..." recap, because the story is SO INCREDIBLY COMPLEX AND DIFFICULT TO KEEP TRACK OF! I'm surprised there isn't an EntourageWiki to help fans keep up to date with hidden content and theories. Actually, maybe there is, I just couldn't be bothered to check.

Like I said, I'll keep watching because it seems like low risk because of almost no time commitment. Still, there is the soul crushing realization that you're watching the male equivalent of Twilight. A boring story about truly unlikeable characters inhabiting a world created by the mind of a 14 year old who was obviously aiming for "meh" out of fear of scaring people off with quality.

I will say this though, definitively; I can't take another "E likes it!" scene. You know the ones, where a really stupid idea or script is introduced because the writers can't even get their own show right never mind come up with a decent idea for another one. They have E completely overact (which is hard for a person who can't even regular act) how impressed he is, and that's supposed to convince us how great it is. An animated show with Drama as a monkey going through a divorce is terrible enough, having E laugh like a hyena at every stupid thing Billy says in the presentation is desperate. One more of those and I'm gone, so I'd guess two more episodes.